I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
