i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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