i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
