I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
