Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize