It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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