there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
