Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
