all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
