it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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