I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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