I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
