Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize