Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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