You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
