Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
