My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
