got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
