The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize