Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
