I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
