we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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