Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
