Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
