were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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