If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
