Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
