I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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