I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
