Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Do vagina's smell?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
