Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
why do cheetos always look like penises
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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