Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
