my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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