normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
