So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
