Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize