Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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