I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
