You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
