dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
