He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
