haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize