So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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