i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
