I want to walk on stilts...naked
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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