I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
