It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
