im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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