you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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