He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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