i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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