Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize