so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
