my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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