After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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