The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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