he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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