the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
