I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
