I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
