AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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