I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
