I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize