I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
