I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize