im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
