I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's no shave November. This is our time.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
