dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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