I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it because I queefed?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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