just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
