All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
