wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
