you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
