I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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