he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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