My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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