the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
