on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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