It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
