I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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