oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
