morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
