Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
