i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
