Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
