Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize