i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
