My nipple is on Facebook.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize