so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
