home. puking in laundry basket.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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