remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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