Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
