There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
