apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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