I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Randomize