at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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