I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
