Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
