you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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