i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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