Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
