Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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