I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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