She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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