so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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