Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
