you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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