mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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