make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize