I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
time to smoke my breakfast
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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