Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
