i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
