It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
