I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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