You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
