if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
